Kids Say The Darndest Things

 I was on my laptop today, procrastinating starting to write this post, when I came across a quote.  "When I Was A Kid My Parents Moved Around A lot, But I Always Found Them - Rodney Dangerfield.

I suddenly knew what I wanted to write about tonight.  I run a daycare out of my home, and on average, I hear about one hilarious thing a day from the little kids.  There are no dull moments with small children around.  They constantly keep me on my toes, with all of their questions and comments.  And everything is completely unfiltered.This summer I have had some extra kids at my house and  I have heard some real gems - so I decided to dedicate tonight's blog to Funny Kids Sayings.   Here are some highlights:

1.  "I have hair on my chest, cause my Grandpa gave me pepper."  Said by a 3 year old boy.

2.    Maybe the dad got her!"  Now, I don't pretend to be perfect.  God gave me one child, and every year her birthday is a big deal to me.  We always do it up right with a big party.  And....every year the one request I get from every single party goer, including our daughter, is to wait until it is dark, and drive around to a few lucky friends/teachers who I  know, and hit their yard with toilet paper.  And before you feel too sorry for these people - know that these are jr. high girls, they are not very aggressive, and can't throw very far or high.  So the most damage that they really ever do is artfully drape some t.p. over a bush or mailbox.  But they really think they are doing some damage.  Which brings me to last year's party.  One of the girls there has a big crush on a young heart throb, who unfortunately, gets t.p's by a lot of girls every year.  Our party was no exception.  We went to this house and parked across the street, warning the girls to be quiet.  Of course, being girls, they were not quiet enough.  You know who is quiet?  The boy's dad, who snuck out on the dark porch, staying completely still in the shadows.  And then JUMPING OUT AT THE GIRLS YELLING, "HEY WHAT ARE YOU DOING???!!!"  Calamity ensued.  The girls started running in every direction screaming in terror at the top of their lungs.  The group made it back to the get away cars, two girls less.  Now, I will take girls to do some minor vandalism, but I have never left a girl behind.  Which is what the other girls wanted to do!  They urged us to just take off and save their skin, it's too late for the others!  I asked in all seriousness, "What happened to Ellie and Aubrey?"  The survivors replied that they had fallen down, no one stopped to help them.  Followed by, "Maybe the dad got her!!"  Just in case you were wondering, he didn't, the girls were fine, just a little bit slowed down by falling and being left for dead.  (The picture below is our house one year after someone retaliated).

3.  "Miss Jayne, you look beautiful!!"  Said with complete and total earnestness by a 3 year old girl.  My outfit that made me look so stunning?  Actually, it was a pretty old t-shirt with a couple of bleach stains on it, paired with an old faded long skirt from the year that Old Navy dictated that long skirts were stylish.  What made this outfit so alluring?  Both pieces were PINK.  I have to say, for such an old outfit, it sure made me feel good about myself that day!

4. "You sure have a lot of dirt under your couch cushions!"  Said by the 3 year old boy with hair on his chest, during an interview I was conducting with a new mom.  The kids decided that was a good of time as any to build a fort using the couch cushions, so hence the comment in front of the  nice lady with whom I was trying to make a good impression.  You can always count on kids to be there when you need them.

5.  "Hi, I'm Tommy.  What's your name?  Hey kid, I asked you what your name is!  Why won't you tell me what your name is?!?!  If you don't tell me your name right now, I am going to spank your butt.  Alright, here goes, I am spanking your butt!  Now, are you ready to tell me what your name is??!!"  Real conversation between my 3 year old step son and an apparently realistic looking lawn jockey at a mini golf course.

6.  "You girls just don't know how hard it is to be a man."  6 year old step son.  To my mother and I.

7.  "Whenever my mom lays down with me, she gets on her phone and goes to Facebook.  She is on Facebook all the time, wherever she goes."  I'm going to leave that one alone - no need to give any identity there.

8. "When I was a kitten, I liked to play with string too."  Bless it.  The sweetest 3 year old girl I have just about ever watched said that to me one day while she and I were sitting together on my porch, playing with some kittens I used to have.

9.  "How old are you?" Said by one elementary school boy to his dad, just today.  "40", answered the dad.  Boy, "Wow, you're old.  Are you going to like, die soon?"

10.  "Ok guys, you can come out now, they are gone!"  Said late at night during a different birthday party,  in a neighbor's yard.  I am saving the whole story for a different post, about birthday parties, but for now I will just put a teaser, which places  myself along with a lot of 12 year old girls, trapped crouching under someone's thorny rose bush.  Very uncomfortable.  I won't go into the whole ending, because you will have to tune in to my next post, but I will say that when we finally came out of the rose bush, they WERE NOT gone!  Kids!

Kids are so fun, and say so many silly things.  I wish I had a paper and pen on me at absolutely all times to catch some of the things I hear every day.  I hope you enjoyed the few I could recite by memory!  Having kids in the house is a lot like living in a frat house - everything is sticky, and you're not quite sure why.  But the conversations make is all worth while.

May The Words Of My Mouth

And The Meditation Of My Heart

Be Acceptable To  You Lord

My Rock And My Redeemer

Psalm 19:14